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TED:为了教会女孩子更加勇敢,鼓励她们去冒险吧! [复制链接]

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离线jenny
 

只看楼主 倒序阅读 使用道具 楼主  发表于: 2020-12-06
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records, and I really wanted to set a world record myself. But there was just one small problem: I had absolutely no talent. So I decided to set a world record in something that demanded absolutely no skill at all. I decided to set a world record in crawling.
在我小的时候,对吉尼斯世界纪录大全很着迷,并且真的很想创造一个属于我自己的世界纪录。但是有一个小问题:那就是我完全没有什么天赋。所以我决定去创造一个完全不需要任何技巧就能达成的世界纪录。我决定去创造一个爬行的世界纪录。
Now, the record at the time was 12 and a half miles,and for some reason, this seemed totally manageable. I recruited my friend Anne, and together we decided, we didn’t even need to train. And on the day of our record attempt, we put furniture pads on the outside of our good luck jeans and we set off,
当时的纪录是12.5英里,而且出于某种原因这看起来很容易办到。我找来了我的朋友安妮,我们一起决定行动了,甚至都不需要训练。在我们挑战纪录那一天,我们将家具垫绑在幸运牛仔裤外面,然后我们开始了,
and right away, we were in trouble, because the denim was against our skin and it began to chafe, and soon our knees were being chewed up.Hours in,it began to rain. Then, Anne dropped out. Then, it got dark. Now, by now, my knees were bleeding through my jeans, and I was hallucinating from the cold and the pain and the monotony.
很快,我们就遇到麻烦了,因为牛仔布料会产生磨擦,开始擦伤皮肤,所以很快我们的膝盖就磨破了。几个小时后,开始下雨了。然后,安妮退出了。再然后,天黑了。到了这会儿,我的膝盖血流不止,并且透过了牛仔裤,寒冷的天气、疼痛,以及单调的动作使我产生了幻觉。
And to give you an idea of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing, the first lap around the high school track took 10 minutes. The last lap took almost 30. After 12 hours of crawling,I stopped, and I had gone eight and a half miles. So I was short of the 12-and-a-half-mile record.
可以给你们形容一下我当时遭受的痛苦,爬完第一圈跑道花了我们10分钟。而最后一圈差不多是30分钟。在12个小时的爬行后,我停下了,我总共爬了8.5英里。离12.5英里的纪录还有一定距离。
Now, for many years, I thought this was a story of abject failure, but today I see it differently,because when I was attempting the world record, I was doing three things. I was getting outside my comfort zone, I was calling upon my resilience, and I was finding confidence in myself and my own decisions.
此后很多年,我一直认为这是一个关于悲惨失败的故事,但是今天我对此有了另一种看法,因为当我向世界纪录冲刺的时候,我做着三件事。我在走出我的安乐窝,我在号召我的恢复力,我在为我自己以及我所做的决定找回自信。
I didn’t know it then,but those are not the attributes of failure. Those are the attributes of bravery. Now, in 1989, at the age of 26, I became a San Francisco firefighter, and I was the 15th woman in a department of 1,500 men.
当时我并没有意识到,但是这些都不是失败所具有的特质。而是勇气的特征。到了1989年,我26岁时成为了旧金山的一名消防员,而我是这个有着1500人的部门中的第15位女性员工。
And as you can imagine, when I arrived there were many doubts about whether we could do the job. So even though I was a 5’10", 150-pound collegiate rower, and someone who could endure 12 hours of searing knee pain -- I knew I still had to prove my strength and fitness.
正如你们所想象的,当我入职时面临着许多对于我是否能胜作这份工作的质疑。虽然我曾是身高177cm,体重150磅的大学赛艇手,并且能够忍受膝盖上长达12个小时的剧烈疼痛——但我知道我依然不得不证明我的实力以及我能够适应这里。
So one day a call came in for a fire,and sure enough, when my engine group pulled up, there was black smoke billowing from a building off an alleyway. And I was with a big guy named Skip, and he was on the nozzle, and I was right behind,and it was a typical sort of fire. It was smoky, it was hot, and all of a sudden, there was an explosion, and Skip and I were blown backwards, my mask was knocked sideways, and there was this moment of confusion.
有一天,一个火警电话打了进来,当我们消防小队赶到的时候,我非常确定滚滚黑烟正从一个小巷中的一栋建筑中冒出。而我当时正跟一个叫做斯基普的大个子在一起,他在消防车喷头那里,我在他后方,这是一次很典型的火灾。浓烟弥漫,高温炙热,突然之间发生了爆炸,斯基普和我被震得朝后飞去,我的面罩被撞到了路边,这一刻一切都陷入了混乱之中。
And then I picked myself up, I groped for the nozzle, and I did what a firefighter was supposed to do: I lunged forward, opened up the water and I tackled the fire myself. The explosion had been caused by a water heater, so nobody was hurt, and ultimately it was not a big deal, but later Skip came up to me and said, Nice job, Caroline, in this surprised sort of voice.
然后我迅速的爬起来,去摸索寻找喷头,我做了一个消防员应该做的:我向前冲过去,打开了水龙头,一个人扑灭了大火。爆炸是由一个热水器引起的,所幸没人受伤最终也没酿成大的灾难。然而稍后斯吉普过来,用那种带着吃惊的声音对我说,“干得好,卡洛琳。”
And I was confused, because the fire hadn’t been difficult physically, so why was he looking at me with something like astonishment? And then it became clear: Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy and an excellent firefighter, not only thought that women could not be strong, he thought that they could not be brave either. And he wasn’t the only one.
我当时就懵了,因为这场大火并不是很激烈,那么他为什么会用这种惊讶的神情看着我呢?后来我就明白了:斯吉普,当然他是一个很好的人,而且也是一个出色的消防员,但他不仅不认为女性能够足够强壮,也不认为女性可以非常勇敢。而且他并不是唯一一个这么想的人。
Friends, acquaintances and strangers, men and women throughout my career ask me over and over, Caroline, all that fire, all that danger, aren’t you scared? Honestly, I never heard a male firefighter asked this. And I became curious. Why wasn’t bravery expected of women?
不管是朋友、熟人还是陌生人,不分男女,在我的整个职业生涯中一遍又一遍的问我, “卡洛琳,面对所有的这些大火,所有的这些危险,你害怕过吗?”说实话,我从来没听过一个男消防员被问这些问题。所以我变得好奇。为什么人们都不对女性的勇敢抱有期待?
Now, the answer began to come when a friend of mine lamented to me that her young daughter was a big scaredy-cat, and so I began to notice, and yes, the daughter was anxious, but more than that, the parents were anxious. Most of what they said to her when she was outside began with, Be careful, "Watch out," or "No." Now, my friends were not bad parents.
当我的一个朋友对我感叹道她年轻的女儿很容易受到惊吓时,答案在我的脑海中开始显现出来,从那时起我开始留意,是的,那个朋友的女儿很焦虑,但不仅如此,她的父母也很焦虑。当她去室外玩耍时,她父母对她说得最多的就是,“当心点”、“注意点”或者“不行”。我朋友他们是很好的父母。
They were just doing what most parents do, which is cautioning their daughters much more than they caution their sons. There was a study involving a playground fire pole, ironically, in which researchers saw that little girls were very likely to be warned by both their moms and dads about the fire pole’s risk, and if the little girls still wanted to play on the fire pole, a parent was very likely to assist her.
他们只是做了大部分父母做的,即对女儿的担心程度要比儿子大得多。曾经有一个涉及到游乐场里消防滑杆的研究,讽刺的是,研究人员发现小女孩通常很有可能会被她的父母们警告消防滑杆的危险性,如果那个小女孩还是想要玩消防滑杆,那么父母中的一个会很可能陪伴她一起玩。
But the little boys? They were encouraged to play on the fire poledespite any trepidations that they might have, and often the parents offered guidance on how to use it on their own. So what message does this send to both boys and girls? Well, that girls are fragile and more in need of help, and that boys can and should master difficult tasks by themselves.
但是如果换成小男孩子呢?他们通常被鼓励去玩消防滑杆,也不管他们是否会害怕,并且通常父母会指导他们怎样独自去玩消防滑杆。那么这个行为给这些男孩和女孩传递了怎样的信息呢?那就是,女孩是脆弱的,更需要获得帮助,而男孩能够并且应该自己处理好困难的任务。
It says that girls should be fearfuland boys should be gutsy. Now, the irony is that at this young age,girls and boys are actually very alike physically. In fact, girls are often stronger until puberty, and more mature. And yet we adults actas if girls are more fragile and more in need of help, and they can’t handle as much.
人们说女孩应该谨小慎微,而男孩应该勇敢。但讽刺的地方是在这么小的年纪,事实上男孩和女孩在身体上是非常相似的。事实上,在青春期之前女孩通常更强壮,也更成熟。然而我们成年人表现出来的却是好像女孩子更加的脆弱,更需要帮助,以及她们不能应付很多事情。
This is the message that we absorb as kids, and this is the message that fully permeates as we grow up. We women believe it, men believe it, and guess what? As we become parents, we pass it on to our children, and so it goes. Well, so now I had my answer. This is why women, even firewomen, were expected to be scared. This is why women often are scared.
这是我们从小就接受的信息,这个信息也渗透进我们整个成长的过程中。我们女人相信这一点,男人也相信这一点,猜一下怎么着?当我们成为父母时,我们把它又传给了下一代,就这样一代代传下去。现在我已经有了答案。这就是为什么女人,甚至是女消防员,也被认为是胆怯的。这也是为什么女人通常胆小害怕的原因。
Now, I know some of you won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I am not against fear. I know it’s an important emotion, and it’s there to keep us safe. But the problem is when fear is the primary reaction that we teach and encourage in girls whenever they face something outside their comfort zone.
我知道你们中的一部分人不会相信我跟你说的这些,但是我并不是反对恐惧感。我知道它是一种很重要的情绪,使我们保持安全。但是如果每当我们女儿在外遇到困难,我们的第一反应就是教导和鼓励她们去害怕的话,这就是个问题了。
So I was a paraglider pilot for many years -- and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing, and it does fly very well, but to many people I realize it looks just like a bedsheet with strings attached. And I spent a lot of time on mountaintop sin flating this bedsheet, running off and flying. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re like, Caroline, a little fear would make sense here.
我曾经做过很多年的滑翔伞运动员——滑翔伞就是一个像降落伞一样的翅膀,它能够很好的飞翔,但是我意识到对很多人来说它看起来就像是一张系了绳子的床单。我花了很多时间在山顶给这些床单充气,然后一跃而下并飞翔。我知道你们在想什么。你们在想,卡洛琳,人们对此有些害怕也是应该的。
And you’re right, it does. I assure you, I did feel fear. But on that mountaintop, waiting for the wind to come in just right, I felt so many other things, too: exhilaration, confidence. I knew I was a good pilot. I knew the conditions were good, or I wouldn’t be there. I knew how great it was going to be a thousand feet in the air.
没错,你们是对的,的确如此。我的确也害怕过。但是站在山顶上,等待正确的风向时,我也会感受到很多其它的东西:比如快乐、自信。我知道我是一个很好的滑翔伞运动员,只有当我确认条件适合的时候才会站在那里。我知道飞翔在300米的高空中是多么的了不起。
So yes, fear was there, but I would take a good hard look at it, assess just how relevant it was and then put it where it belonged, which was more often than not behind my exhilaration, my anticipation and my confidence. So I’m not against fear. I’m just pro-bravery. Now, I’m not saying your girls must be firefightersor that they should be paragliders,
是的,有过害怕,但是我会仔细的审视它,评估它的重要性,然后把它放在正确的位置,而它通常是排在我的愉快、期待和信心之后。因此我不是反对害怕。我只是支持勇敢。我不是说女孩子必须要成为消防员,或者滑翔伞运动员,
but I am saying that we are raising our girls to be timid, even helpless, and it begins when we caution them against physical risk. The fear we learn and the experiences we don’t stay with us as we become women and morphs into all those things that we face and try to shed: our hesitation in speaking out, our deference so that we can be liked and our lack of confidence in our own decisions.
而是想说我们正在把我们的女孩们培养得胆小,甚至无助,这一切都从我们提醒她们注意身体上的危险开始。我们学到的恐惧感和那些我们不曾有过的经历伴随着我们长大成为女人,然后演变成那些我们所面对并且试图去摆脱的事情:我们因犹豫而不敢发声,我们顺从以招人喜欢,以及对自己的决定缺乏信心。
So how do we become brave? Well, here’s the good news. Bravery is learned, and like anything learned, it just needs to be practiced. So first, we have to take a deep breath and encourage our girls to skateboard, climb trees and clamber around on that playground fire pole. This is what my own mother did.
那么我们如何变得勇敢呢?这里有一些好消息。勇敢是可以学来的,就像任何可以学的事情一样,它只需要多加练习。所以首先,我们需要做一个深呼吸。然后鼓励我们的女孩们去玩滑板、去爬树,以及围绕游乐场的消防滑杆攀爬。我的母亲就是这么做的。
She didn’t know it then, but researchers have a name for this. They call it risky play, and studies show that risky play is really important for kids, all kids, because it teaches hazard assessment, it teaches delayed gratification, it teaches resilience, it teaches confidence. In other words, when kids get outside and practice bravery, they learn valuable life lessons.
她当时并不知道什么理论,但是研究人员对此有一个专门的名称,叫做危险游戏。研究表明危险游戏真的对小孩子很重要,对所有的小孩子,因为它教会你去评估危险,它教会你延迟享乐,让你更有你韧性,为你带来你信心。换而言之,当孩子们走到室外并练习勇敢时,他们在学习非常有价值的人生课程。
Second, we have to stop cautioning our girls willy-nilly. So notice next time you say, Watch out, you’re going to get hurt, or, "Don’t do that, it’s dangerous." And remember that often what you’re really telling her is that she shouldn’t be pushing herself, that she’s really not good enough, that she should be afraid.
第二,不管愿不愿意,都不要再去警告女孩们。所以要留意下次想说“小心点,你会受伤的,”或者“不要那样做,很危险”的时候。请记住通常你真正想告诉她的是她不应该去逼自己,她的能力有限,以及她应该害怕。
Third, we women have to start practicing bravery, too. We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves. So here’s another thing: fear and exhilaration feel very similar --the shaky hands, the heightened heart rate, the nervous tension, and I’m betting that for many of you the last time you thought you were scared out of your wits, you may have been feeling mostly exhilaration, and now you’ve missed an opportunity.
第三,女性也需要开始去练习勇敢。在我们教会自己之前我们没资格去教女孩们。还有一件事:害怕和愉快是很相似的感受——发抖的双手,加快的心跳,紧绷的神经,我敢说对于大多数的你们来说,上一次当你被吓到的时候,你很可能更多感到的是愉快,但是现在你已失去这一机会。
So practice. And while girls should be getting outside to learn to be gutsy, I get that adults don’t want to get on hoverboards or climb trees, so we all should be practicing at home, in the office and even right here getting up the guts to talk to someone that you really admire.
因此要不断练习。同时女孩们应该出去学习变得胆大,我知道成年人不会想去滑板或者爬树,所以我们所有的人都需要练习,不管是在家,还是在办公室,甚至就在此时此刻鼓起勇气跟那个你钦佩的人交谈。
Finally, when your girl is, let’s say, on her bike on the top of the steep hill that she insists she’s too scared to go down, guide her to access her bravery. Ultimately, maybe that hill really is too steep, but she’ll come to that conclusion through courage, not fear. Because this is not about the steep hill in front of her.
最后,当你的女儿,比方说,坐在陡坡上的自行车上时,如果她坚持认为她太害怕了不敢骑下去,那么指导她去接近勇敢。最终,也许那个坡的确太陡,但是她会用勇气而不是害怕去克服它。因为这与她面前的陡坡无关。
This is about the life ahead of herand that she has the tools to handle and assess all the dangers that we cannot protect her from, all the challenges that we won’t be there to guide her through, everything that our girls here and around the worldface in their future. So by the way,the world record for crawling today -- is 35.18 miles, and I would really love to see a girl go break that.
这关乎她以后的人生而她获得了这些工具去处理和接近所有那些我们不能保护她远离的危险,所有那些我们不能指导她通过的挑战,以及所有今天在座的女孩以及全世界的女孩在未来可能面对的事情。顺便说一下,那个爬行的世界纪录现在是——已经是35.18英里了,而我真的很想看到一个女孩去打破它。
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