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“我结婚了, 但并不快乐......” [复制链接]

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I got married when I was 23 years old, and for a while I was unhappy. I couldn't break up our marriage cuz I had always believed divorce was not an option. So I tried to live one day at a time, not over-thinking the future, hoping that things will get better some day.
The problem was, it was all me, my wife didn't do anything to upset me and she's genuinely innocent. I didn't laugh when she was telling jokes, mainly because she can't tell jokes and always mess up the punchline, it's also because I didn't love her anymore, but I tried to crack a smile as hard as it was.
I didn't even notice when she wore something new or fixed herself for me. I was aware of my problem and that's why I was going crazy, the fact that it's all me. That being said, I have never hurt her or even said something unpleasant to her, I never acted on those feelings, I kept my shit to myself.
One day I had to just get away for a while, clear my mind, and try and see a bigger picture, if there was one. Of course I didn't make it seem like I'm taking a break or anything, I”m a good actor.
So I left, and took a road trip. Driving always helped me get better for the night. I drive alone and talk out loud and let it all out so I don't burst up and explode during the day.Nothing happened during those silent days of driving,except that she called me twice every day to check on me.
She never missed a call, and suddenly I realized that I was waiting for her to forget to call me. I keep realizing how much of an asshole I am. One day while driving I had a moment of clarity, it was so beautiful that I smiled and cried at the same time.
My mind drew a picture for me and here it is. My wife crying while I'm not there or I can't see her, then she gathers herself and acts normal when I’m there, and tries to tell a joke just to get me to smile even though she knows she can't tell jokes, and for some reason, she was wearing a white dress.
I was thinking about my own happiness so much that I forgot to think about how miserable I’'m making her feel. I never hated myself more than I did at that moment.
I turned the car around and drove home, and while I’m on the road, I kept imagining her in that white dress. It made me happy. And I recalled some of the jokes she had told me before, and I laughed about how she messed up the punchline every time.
That was three years ago, we had two daughters since then and I can't believe how lucky I am that I didn't mess it up. I'm thankful that she didn't leave me when she had every excuse to. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that with every love song that I hear,I think of her.
So to the people who think they don't love their partners anymore, dig a little deeper. There's a scene in the movie Hachi: A Dog's Tale, where the father asks his daughter's boyfriend, "Do you love my daughter? Because that's what you want to remember in the bad days."

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