"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud." "Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up."
"Never ruin an apology with an excuse." All excellent words to live by.
Sadly, that's the end of the good counsel on these pages.
What we present here is advice to avoid at all costs, collected from our readers and elsewhere.
Read it, laugh at it, learn from it. But whatever you do, don't follow it.
COMMUNE WITH NATURE. "If you see a bear and don't have time to run away, hug it.
Bears cannot scratch their stomachs." —My no-nonsense grandfather
DRIVE OFFENSIVELY. When I started learning how to drive, my dad, completely serious, said to me,
"Always weave a little, and all the other cars will stay away from you."
PLUG IN. "Stop reading! You read too much; you're going to hurt your eyes!
Go watch TV for a while!" —My grandma, every time she visited
IMPROVE YOUR COMPLEXION. As a young teen, I had terrible acne.
A doctor told me that my acne would go away once I married.
Presumably, sex would make it disappear. I'm glad we got a second opinion. I didn't get married until I was 34.
PULL THE PLUG. My husband grew hot peppers in our garden one year.
Wanting to dry them out, we asked our Amish friend what to do.
She suggested we use the microwave to quicken the process.
So we took her suggestion and nuked the peppers.
Within seconds, sickening fumes filled the kitchen, driving us out of the house, coughing and gagging.
Only later did we stop to wonder why we took the advice to use the microwave from someone who doesn’t use electric appliances.
When I was a Boy Scout, we went camping.
My Scout leader said to just use the leaves to wipe. It was poison ivy.
I was working as a designer at a small company. One day, I asked my boss what I could do to advance myself.
His advice: "Find a rich man and get married." I had a better idea.
I sent my résumé out and went back to school.
Eight years later, I got an associate's degree in graphic design and have enjoyed a successful career in mechanical design.
So thanks for the bad advice, boss. It lit a fire under me and launched my life.