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TED 寻求帮助是一种优势,而不是弱点 [复制链接]

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在线jenny
 

We all have milestones in life that we remember so vividly. The first one for me was when I was entering kindergarten. My big brother was in school, and by golly, it was my time. And I went trottin' down that hallway. I was so excited, I almost wet myself. And I go to the door, and there was the teacher with a warm welcome, and she took me into the classroom, showed me my little cubbyhole -- we all remember those little cubbyholes, don't we -- and we put our stuff in there. And then she said, "Go over to the circle and play with the kids until class starts." So I went over there and plopped down like I owned the place, and I'm playing, and all of a sudden, the boy next to me, he was wearing a white shirt with blue shorts. I remember it like it was yesterday. Suddenly he stopped playing and he said, "Why are you so short?" And I just kept playing. I didn't think he was talking to me.
我们的生命中都有难以忘怀的具有里程碑意义的时刻。我的第一个里程碑是刚进幼儿园的时候。我的哥哥在学校里,我的天,那就是我的时代。我在走廊里一路小跑,激动得差点尿裤子。然后我到了门口,有个老师站在那里热情地欢迎我,她带我去了教室,带我看了我的小储藏柜——大家都记得那些小储藏柜吧——然后我们把自己的东西放在那里。接着她说,“在上课前,去那边跟其他小朋友一起玩吧。”于是我走过去,一屁股坐下来,就像这是我的地盘一样,我正在专心地玩,突然,一个坐在旁边的小男孩,他穿了白色的T恤和蓝色的短裤,我记得非常清楚。他突然停下了,然后说,“你为什么这么矮?”我仍然自顾自地玩,没觉得他在跟我说话。


And in a louder voice, he said, "Hey, why are you so short?" So I looked up and I said, "What are you talking about? Let's just play. We're happy. I've been waiting for this."
然后他抬高了声音,“喂,你为什么这么矮?”我抬头看着他说,"你在说什么啊接着玩吧。多好玩啊。我一直很期待呐。“


And so we played, and about a minute later, the girl next to him, in a white shirt and a pink skirt, stood up, put her hands on her hips, and said, "Yeah, why do you look so different?" And I went, "What are you talking about? I don't look different. I'm not short. Again, let's just play."
于是我们就接着玩,过了大概一分钟,一个坐在他旁边的女孩,穿了一件白色的T恤和粉色的裙子,站了起来,掐着腰说,“对啊,你为什么看起来这么不一样?”然后我说,“你在说什么啊?我没有哪里不一样啊,也不矮啊。接着玩吧。”


About this time, I looked all around the circle I was in, and all the kids had stopped playing and they were all looking at me. And I'm thinking -- in today's language, it would be "OMG" or "WTF."
差不多这个时候,我看了看我在的这个圈子,所有的小朋友都停下了,不约而同地看着我。我在想——用现在的话来说应该是“我的天”或者“他X的搞什么。”


What just happened?
刚刚发生了什么?


So all the confidence that I went in with that morning was withering away as the morning went on and the questions kept coming. And at the end of the morning, before I went home, the teacher had us in a circle, and I actually found myself outside of the circle. I couldn't look at anybody. I could not understand what just happened.
结果我早上进门前拥有的所有自信,随着时间的流逝,在各种各样的问题中渐渐消失殆尽了。临近中午,在我回家前,老师让我们围成一个圈,然后我发现自己在圈外。我没办法看任何一个人。我没法理解刚刚发生了什么。


And over the next few years, I hated to go out in public. I felt every stare, every giggle, every pointed finger, not the finger, but every pointed finger, and I hated it. I would hide behind my parents' legs like nobody could see me. And as a child, you can't understand another child's curiosity, nor an adult's ignorance. It became very apparent to me that the real world was not built for someone of my size, both literally or figuratively.
在接下来的几年,我痛恨去公共场合。我能感受到每个眼神,每个笑声,每个指指点点的行为,不是手指,是每次的指指点点,我痛恨它们。我会藏在爸妈的身后,这样好像就没有人能看到我。在孩童时期,你没办法理解另一个孩子的好奇心,或者是一个成年人的不理睬。我很快就发现这个世界并不适合我这种体型的人,不管是字面上的还是比喻上的。


And so I have no anonymity, as you can probably tell, and while you can see my size, we all go through many challenges through our lifetime. And some you can see, like mine. Most you can't. You can't tell if someone's dealing with a mental illness, or they're struggling with their gender identity, they're caring for an aging parent, they're having financial difficulty. You can't see that kind of stuff. So while you can see one of my challenges is my size, seeing does not mean you understand what it's truly to be me on a daily basis, or what I go through. And so I'm here to debunk a myth. I do not believe you can walk in someone else's shoes, and because of that, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves. Simply stated, I will never know what it's like to be you and you will never know what it's like to be me. I cannot face your fears or chase your dreams, and you can't do that for me, but we can be supportive of each other. Instead of trying to walk in each other's shoes, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.
我也根本不能隐藏于人群中,你们可能也看得出来。像你们看到的我的体型,我们在一生中都会经历各种各样的挑战。有些是能被看到的,像我这种情况。大多数是看不到的。你没办法知道一个人是不是在对抗着精神疾病,或者在性取向中挣扎,在照料一对老去的父母,亦或是有经济困难。你看不到这些东西。所以很明显,我的挑战之一是我的体型,但看见并不代表你能理解如果你是我会是个什么感受,或者我经历了什么。所以我要揭露一个秘密。我不相信你能完完全全感受到另一个人的感受,正因为这一点,我们必须采纳一种新的付出的方式。简单来说,我永远都不知道成为你是什么感觉,你也永远不会知道成为我是什么感觉。我没办法面对你的恐惧或者追逐你的梦想,你也不能为我做这些,但我们可以互相支持。不只是试着理解另一个人的感受,取而代之的,我们应该接受一种全新的付出方式。


I learned at an early age that I did have to do some things different than most people, but I also learned there were things I was on equal footing with, and one of those was the classroom. Heh, heh, heh. I was equal. As a matter of fact, I excelled in the classroom. This was vitally important, I discovered as I grew older and realized I wasn't going to be able to do a physical job. I needed an education. So I went on and got a university degree, but I felt to be one step ahead of everyone for employment, I needed to have an advanced university degree, so I went ahead and got that.
我从很小的时候就学到我不需要做跟大多数人不一样的事情,我还学到有很多事情是公平的,其中之一就是教室。哈哈哈,我是平等的。实际上,我在学校是尖子生。这个非常的重要,在慢慢长大的过程中我发现并意识到我没办法做体力活,我需要教育。所以我接着学习,拿到了大学文凭,但为了找工作,我必须要显得比其他人更有优势,我需要一个高等学历,所以我又拿到了那个。


Now I'm ready for my interview. Remember your first interview? What am I going to wear? What questions? And don't forget that firm handshake. I was right there with you. So 24 hours before my interview, a friend of mine who I've known all my life called and said, "Michele, the building you're going in has steps." And she knew I couldn't climb steps. So suddenly, my focus changed. In my shoes, I was worried about how am I going to get there? So I went early and found a loading dock and got in and had a great interview. They had no idea what I went through for the day and that's OK.
现在我为面试做好了准备。记得你的第一次面试么?我要穿什么?会提什么问题?别忘了那个适度的握手。我跟你们一模一样。面试前的24个小时,我的一个发小打给我说,“米歇尔,你要面试的楼有台阶。”她知道我爬不了台阶。于是乎,我的关注重心突然改变了。在我脑子里,我开始担心我要怎么到那个地方?所以我早早地去了,找了一个装车的升降台,然后进去体验了一个很棒的面试。他们并不知道我那天经历了什么,但没有关系。


You're probably thinking my greatest challenge that day was the interview, or getting in the building. In reality, my biggest challenge that day was getting through the loading dock without getting run over. I am very vulnerable in certain situations: airports, hallways, parking lots, loading docks. And so I have to be very careful. I have to anticipate and be flexible and move as quickly as I can sometimes.
你可能在想我那天最大的挑战是面试,或者是进入那个楼。实际上,我那天最大的挑战是从装车升降台上安稳下来不摔跤。我在一些情况下非常的脆弱:机场,走廊,停车场,升降台。所以我必须非常小心。我必须有意识而且要很灵活,有时我动作还要非常快。


So I got the job, and in my current role I travel quite a bit. And travel is a challenge for all of us these days. And so you probably get to the airport, run through security, get to the gate. Did I get my aisle seat or my window seat? Did I get my upgrade? Me, first of all, I don't run through anything.
然后我拿到了那份工作,在我的职位上我时常要出差。出门旅行现在对每个人都是挑战。你得先跑到机场,跑过安检,再跑进登机口。我有没有拿到我的过道座位或者靠窗座位?他们帮我升舱了么?对于我来说,第一,我不跑。


And I especially don't run through the TSA because I get to experience the personal patdown. I won't comment on that. And then I make my way to the gate, and with my gift of gab that my parents said I was born with, I talk to the gate agent, and then I say, "By the way, my scooter weighs this much, I have a dry cell battery, and I can drive it down to the door of the plane." Also, the day before, I had called the city where I'm traveling to to find out where I could rent a scooter in case mine gets broken on the way. So in my shoes, it's a little bit different.
我尤其不跑过安检因为我得经历个人的全身搜查。我就不评论了。然后我到了登机口,用我爸妈的话说,我有扯废话的天赋,我跟登机口人员说话,告诉他们,“我的小车大概这么重,有一个电池在里面,我可以自己开到飞机舱门口。”而且,提前一天,我得打给我的目的地城市,找到一个我可以租移动小车的地方,以防我的小车在半路坏掉。所以我的情况有点不同。


When I get onto the plane, I use my gift of gab to ask the lady to put my bag up, and they graciously do. I try not to eat or drink on a plane because I don't want to have to get up and walk on the plane, but nature has its own schedule, and not long ago, it knocked and I answered. So I walked up to the front of the plane and gabbed with the flight attendant, and said, "Can you watch the door? I can't reach the lock." So I'm in there doing my business, and the door flies open. And there's a gentleman there with a look of horror on his face. I'm sure I had the same look. As I came out, I noticed that he was sitting right across from me, and he's in total, complete embarrassment. So I walk up to him and I quietly go, "Are you going to remember this as much as I am?"
当我到了飞机上,我又利用谈话的天赋让空姐帮我把包放在上面的行李架,她们都很友好地帮了我。我在飞机上尽量不吃不喝,因为我不想在飞机上站起来和走动,但是大自然有它的规律,于是不久前,这个规律应验了。我走到飞机的前面,跟一位空乘人员聊天,然后说,“你可以帮我开一下厕所门吗?我够不着锁。"我在上厕所的时候,门突然“唰”的开了。一个绅士站在那里惊恐地看着我。我确定我也是那个表情。我出来以后发现他坐在我对面,满脸的尴尬。所以我走向他然后轻轻地说,”你会比我对这件事记忆更深刻么?“


And he goes, "I think so."
然后他说,“我觉得会。”


Now, while he's probably not talking about it publicly, I am.
但现在他可能不会公开讲这件事,但我会。


But we talked for the rest of the flight, and we got to know each other, our families, sports, work, and when we landed, he said, "Michele, I noticed someone put your bag up. Can I get that for you?" And I said, "Of course, thank you." And we wished each other well, and the most important thing that day was that he was not going to leave with that embarrassment, that experience of embarrassment. He won't forget it, and neither will I, but I think he will remember more our chat and our different perspectives.
但我们在下面整个航行中都在聊天,我们了解了对方的家庭,运动,工作,当我们落地的时候,他说,“米歇尔,我发现有人把你的包放上去了。我可以帮你拿下来么?”我说,“当然,谢谢。”然后我们互相道别,祝福。那天最重要的是他不会在尴尬的感觉中,或者尴尬的体验中离开。他不会忘记,我也不会,但我认为他记住的更多的是我们的聊天内容和我们不一样的观点。


When you travel internationally, it can be even more challenging in certain ways. A few years ago, I was in Zanzibar, and I come wheeling in, and think about that. Short, white, blond woman in a chair. That doesn't probably happen every day. So I go up, and with my gift of gab, I start to talk to the agent. So friendly, and I ask about their culture and so forth, and I notice there wasn't a jet bridge. So I had to kind of say, "Not only do you have to lift my chair, I could use some help getting up the steps." So we got to spend about an hour together while we waited for the flight, and it was the most magnificent hour. Our perspective changed for both of us that day. And once I got on the flight, he patted me on the back and wished me well, and I thanked him so much. And again, I think he's going to remember that experience more than when I first came in, and there was a bit of hesitation.
当你坐国际航班的时候,会有更多的挑战。几年前,我在桑几巴尔岛(非洲坦桑尼亚东北部)坐着我的小车,你们想想看,一个矮小的,白皮肤,黄头发的女人坐在一个小椅子上。并不太常见。所以我上前,再次用我的谈话天赋,跟工作人员聊天。我很友好地询问他们的文化什么的,然后我发现那里没有从候机舱通往飞机的通道。所以我得说,“你不仅得帮我抬座椅,还需要帮我上机舱的台阶。”所以我们在等待飞机的时候花了大概一小时的时间,那是非常非常棒的一小时。我们两个人的观点都发生了改变。当我上了飞机,他拍拍我的背然后送上最好的祝愿,我表示了感谢。再一次,我觉得他对这次经历的记忆会比我刚进来的时候多,那时候内心多少还有犹豫。


And as you notice, I get a lot of help. I would not be where I am today if it was not for my family, my friends, my colleagues and the many strangers that help me every single day of my life. And it's important that we all have a support system. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
你们可能发现了,我得到很多帮助。如果没有我的家人,朋友,我的同事,还有很多很多的陌生人每天都帮助我,我今天不可能在这里。我们能拥有互相帮助的意愿是很重要的。寻求帮助是一种勇气,不是弱点。


We all need help throughout our lifetime, but it is just as important that we are part of other people's support systems. We must adopt that way of giving back. We all obviously have a role to play in our own successes, but think about the role we have to play in other people's successes, just like people do for me every single day.
我们在一生中都需要帮助,但我们帮助别人也是一件同等重要的事。我们必须接纳报答的方式。很明显,我们在自己的人生中都扮演着很重要的角色,但想想我们在别人的人生中的角色,就像大家每天为我做的事。


It's vitally important that we help each other, because society is increasingly placing people in silos based on biases and ideologies. And we must look past the surface and be confronted with the truth that none of us are what you can see. There's more to us than that, and we're all dealing with things that you cannot see. So living a life free of judgment allows all of us to share those experiences together and have a totally different perspective, just like the couple of people I mentioned earlier in my stories.
互相帮助至关重要,因为社会在一天天地孤立每个人,只是根据对事物的偏见和愚蠢的看法。我们必须看透表面,接受一个事实,那就是,没有人是你看到的样子。每个人都有更多面,而且我们在纠结你看不到的事情。所以愿你我过一个不去评价他人的人生,能让我们一起分享自己的经历,然后以不同的眼光去看待这个世界,就像我在之前的故事里提到的那些人。


So remember, the only shoes you truly can walk in are your own. I cannot walk in yours. I know you can't walk in my size 1s --
所以记住,你能完全理解的只有你自己。我没办法穿着你的鞋行走。我也知道你穿不了我1码的鞋——


but you can try. But we can do something better than that. With compassion, courage and understanding, we can walk side by side and support one another, and think about how society can change if we all do that instead of judging on only what you can see.
但你可以试试看。但我们可以做些更好的事。带着同情心,勇气和理解,我们可以肩并肩向前走,互相支持,想想社会会发生什么样的改变,如果我们都做到这些,而不是根据你看到的去评判别人。


Thank you.
谢谢。
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